Friday, August 26, 2016

I’M STILL ALIVE – WHY? (published 8/26/2016)

I almost died! I should have died. Why am I still alive?

The almost three year silence is now broken. I write on this blog again, to whomever may read it. Life the last two plus years has been the mundane: work, chores, hike, family and friends, eat, sleep, etc. Life was okay, if not wonderful. I lost interest in writing. Life was going through the motions.

Life, however, changed on 3/29/2016. My ol' ’95 Nissan pickup and I were on the way from the office to home. An 18-year-old, with no insurance, decided that I didn’t deserve the right of way, and she hit us. My ol’ truck died. I almost died. Two hospitals had me for 36 days combined. I am still unable to return to work. I am improving to the point that I’m slowly going insane, by not having much to do, being confined at home. So, now I write.

Today, by the way, would have been Granny and Papaw Wood’s anniversary! They married in 1931. How I miss them and the many others who have gone on to a better place.

Why am I not in that better place with them? Why did I not die on 3/29/2016? As the Russians say well, “Только Бог знает!” I still can’t work, drive, walk well, hike, do yard work, check on and do work at the homeplace, etc. I’m still here for my longsuffering and loving bride. (Our 30th wedding anniversary was spent at home, with me still unable to walk.) I’m still around for brothers, some closer than others. If, however, I can’t yet do the things that I need to do or do the things that bring me joy (i.e., hiking, working at the homeplace, etc.), then why did I not die with my ol’ truck?

The above Russian phrase is “only God knows.” God only knows why I am still alive. He has decided to not inform me as to why. I was once an earthen vessel, in whom he had placed the glorious gospel message. I found joy and purpose in serving Him in fulltime ministry and then mission work. Life, however, changed when Mom went to see Jesus, after her yearlong illness and suffering. The “fire in my bones” was extinguished. I didn’t extinguish it. He did. For almost 16 years now, I have been going through the motions of living, with my ministry purpose taken from me.

"So, God, howdy. I’m still here! Since I’m still alive, could you not open a door of complete physical healing and another door of opportunity to serve you, as I once did before you took Mom home? I await your reply and/or action -- as I have been doing since 2000, I do now still."


Tipper said...

Thank you for sending this to me! I'm so glad you survived and lived!!

M. Fearghail said...

Thank you, Tipper! I just noticed today (8/14/2022) that I'd not seen your 5/19/2022 comment. I'm still standing here! I ain't breathing hard!