Thursday, August 04, 2022

REDNECK TOILET HANDLE (published 8-4-2022; article #344; updated 10-28-2022)


An outhouse does not need to flush. Water does not fill a tank. There is no need for a handle to connect to the lever that lifts the flap, to flush an outhouse. An outhouse is easier.

Redneck Toilet Handle

Yesterday, after I got up, from sitting on my indoor toilet, I pushed down the plastic handle to flush the porcelain throne. The plastic connection from the handle to the flush lever (inside the tank) broke. I had to remove, from the top of the tank, my reading library, soap container, and box of matches. I took the lid off the tank. I raised the flush lever to flush the throne.

I pondered on how to fix the problem. I could drive to the gettin' place, to buy another toilet handle and lever – probably made in China. The other option was the redneck solution! I took the photograph, below, after my work was done.

Do you see the new handle! I took an Allen wrench from a toolbox in the garage. I wrapped enough Duck tape around the short end, so it would fit into the opening in the lever (inside the toilet). It worked! I placed the lid back on the tank. I placed my reading library, soap container, and box of matches on top of the lid.

The photograph includes the broken toilet handle (that I'd tried to glue and Duck tape back together) and a nail (that I'd tried to use to make a new handle). The nail head was too large to fit into the opening in the lever. The glue and Duck tape didn't hold.

Yes, I keep a plunger next to my throne. I don't need to read my library, while I'm sitting on my throne. I just like the way my bathroom library looks. I enjoy the comments by folks who visit, for the first time, and use my toilet. Folks who have come by enough times know about my bathroom library.


My 5/1/2022 article includes a section “3/27, Sunday: Coat Hanger.” I had replaced the plastic rod that adjusts the blinds with a coat hanger. That was educated, country boy ingenuity.

I though that you would like to know that I've done it again! This article is another example of redneck practicality. Why do I keep a box of matches at my toilet? Well, y'all figure it out!

10/28/2022 Update

On Friday, 10/28/2022, the Appalachian Irishman had grown tired of the Duck tape, on the Allen wrench, twisting. Every three or four weeks, I'd have to replace the Duck tape. My redneck ingenuity had worked almost three months.

Bravely, my right “bionic” foot took the pounding on the hard Home Depot floors. I bought the “toughest” toilet handle and lever available – made in China, of course. The employee, with whom I chatted, kept up with and added to my humor! I'd stated that the original plastic handle and lever had lasted almost twenty years. In about thirty or so years, I'd be back – to buy one of those toilet handles that you'd talk to and tell to flush! The employee, about my age, stated that he thinks that TVs can hear what you say in your own home! I agreed, of course. It's the “govermint” spying on us, folks!

I took the above photograph today. It is my toilet, with the new “toughest” toilet handle and lever that Home Depot sells. You asked the cost? $18.97 plus $1.75 state tax. A dollar ain't worth much these days.

My bathroom library is still in place. We have neighbors, who like to visit and ask to use my toilet – just to stop by and read a while – while they sit there thinkin'.

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